Because it WAS my adult life. As a masking, closeted, trans person, the Danny devito wearing feminist af shirt besides I will buy this online way I knew how to survive as a male was to be as aggressive and cynical as I could be.I don’t think I was an asshole, but there was never any doubt that my Y chromosome was totally in charge. Needless to say, I was fucking miserable most of my life. All the usual stuff: guilt, anger, fear, desperate sadness, suicide ideation, loneliness, and on and on. I was dying and I didn’t care. I embraced the process, tbh. Men don”t start out to be aggressive and harmful and toxic. But if indeed they are born cis and straight, have normal loads of testosterone ( and estrogen too) and are raised by happy, loving parents who encourage their boys to be decent and kind and loving people—then it’s not likely they’ll turn into toxic penis-people just because. I’m in a therapy group of six trans people, and the FTM folks say that since they’ve started on testosterone HRT, they don ’t notice much difference in their emotional stability, don’t feel especially aggressive or haven’t noticed much else they interpret as “toxicity.”
Obviously, testosterone affects every person in different ways. I can tell you that as a masking male, who tried SO FUCKING HARD to be one of the Danny devito wearing feminist af shirt besides I will buy this guys, that—compared to me now on estrogen/spiro HRT—I DID feel more aggressive and angry and less patient in my every day interactions. I had a quick temper, and when pushed too far, was prone to rages and stupid, aggressive behavior. I have been on HRT almost seven months. Simply put, I experience none of that aggressive behavior any more. I still have a quick temper, but even that seems to be subsiding. I don’t think my experience so far is particularly unusual. But I really do feel so much happier and calmer and peaceful.
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