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Around this time, I was in an airport waiting on a flight to visit my child and dreading another frustrating encounter with his mother. My flight was delayed so I went to an airport newsstand and came across a book called, “Who’s Pulling Your Strings,” by Harriet Braiker. The book was about spotting and dealing with manipulators. The book’s title screamed, “Buy me!,” so I did. As I read the Best jason isbell and the 400 unit hill auditorium june 25 2023 shirt besides I will buy this chapter about the types of people who often manipulate, I came across Borderline Personality Disorder. Reading the description, I had a “Eureka” moment. My mind flashed back to her telling me she had abandonment issues, an intimacy sickness, and that she was seeing a psychologist for her buried rage. At the time I wrote her off as a drama queen, but now everything began to make sense. Our child was conceived right before I was to leave town for a job, even though she had told me many times she was infertile because of female problems. I had always suspected it was a pregnancy designed to keep me with her, and now I realized why she did it: she had deep abandonment fears.
(Note: I no longer believe abandonment or other unconscious fears are the Best jason isbell and the 400 unit hill auditorium june 25 2023 shirt besides I will buy this main driver of her manipulative behavior. I now view this behavior as offensive and conscious in nature. Furthermore, based on work with a psychologist, I believe she is a mixture of borderline and, either, narcissism or sociopathy.) Once I had a name for her behavior—Borderline Personality Disorder —I was able to research deeper. I began to see a therapist who was able to help me build some boundaries. I realized the borderline was unlikely to change, so I’d have to change myself. Of course, this is much harder than it sounds. It’s hard enough to change yourself when the problem is yours, it’s even harder to change yourself when the problem is somebody else’s, but at least I learned better ways to effectively communicate with her: direct and to the point, all business, no warmth. It went against my natural go-along to get-along style, and it was never entirely comfortable for me, but any chance of having some sort of relationship with my child would depend on me keeping strong boundaries with her. Sometimes I slipped back into my old way of interacting, after all, I wanted to love the child, but I would always end up suffering for it. There’s a saying with borderlines: no good deed goes unpunished. Still, I was able to continue being in my child’s life and that made the effort worth it…at least for a while.
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